Falling In and Out of Love

Recently, I no longer had the urge to write about random shallow things about romance. Perhaps the feelings that I have towards someone (if there is any) is not that intense to encourage me to sing happy songs, smile all day and give cheesy meanings to any statement or quotes that I read, hear or remembers.

To that guy who said that I am still a kid, I feel sorry that I did not get to write the mix of emotions that I have towards him. A lot of things are running in my mind over that 2 months. Yet, due to my uncertainty and my fears of falling for the wrong person, the wrong time and wrong reasons, my fingers were held tight from writing a blog.

Right now, all I can do is to reminisce how stupid I was. The logger-headed me got mesmerized by a guy opposite of my dreams. Haha! and the irony of it, that guy has been in my dreams for a number of nights. He is always the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last one to cross my mind before I close my eyes at night. He is the dude I long to talk to over the phone and receive text messages from. His coffee invitation makes me jump to excitement that I later ended to always initiate the meet up.

Mind you, I've already dreamed of him as my husband despite all our opposites... the age gap, and body built difference. Yet, I feel so comfortable being with him. All the shallow talks, foolish jokes and witty comments have compensated everything.

He also don't know how hard I tried not to let anybody know how I feel. I am not sure whether he has mentioned those dates that we had to anybody. But as for me, I was controlling myself so much from saying anything because I was afraid that I was just overanalyzing the things that he does and says.

By the way, I have another confession to make, I was rereading his old skype messages to me. I got to backread until November 2010. And it made me wonder, has he felt anything for me during that time? Haha! And one more thing, I also hate Facebook because it started saving chat conversations just recently. I can no longer read backread those Landi much chats with him. If these chat messages were still there, I've probably read them a hundred times.

Oh well, all I am just trying to say is that I fell in love with him. But now, I am not sure if I've already fallen out of love. Is it that fast or is it just his absence that makes me think that the feeling is gone?

reminds me

Mula kagabi hanggang ngayon di ako mapakali. Pano ba naman? lahat na lang ng bagay na makita at mabasa ko... naaalala kita.

Kagabi, nagbasa ulit ako ng blog na Strange Love Addictions. At habang binabasa ko ang bawat linya sa blog na iyon, nahihirapan akong huminga. Ayun! unti unting nabubuo sa utak ko na nagkakatotoo na nga ang mga naiisip kong pwedeng mangyari o maaaring nangyayari na nga nung mga oras na magkasama tayo.

Grrr... parang gusto kong magmura kagabi. Pati pala sya nainlove na sayo. hayyy... alam mo bang kaya ko lang naman binabasa ang mga blogs nya ay para makakuha ng idea kung anong nangyayari dyan simula nung panahong nawala ako. At ayun tama nga ako, gusto ka na niya. Marahil yun ang dahilan kung kaya noon pa man, malayo na ang loob nya saken... dahil may pagtingin sya sayo. Ang dahilan kung bakit di nya ko matingnan sa mata at kung bakit bigla na lang syang nagsusuot ng mga bestida at nagsuot ng mga sapatos na may takong. Pakiramdam ko, ginagaya nya ko sa pag-aakalang magugustuhan mo sya. Sa pag-aakalang magkakainteres ka sa kanya ng higit pa sa kaibigan. Haha!

Marahil nahigitan pa nya ko ngayon dahil mukhang mapagbigay sya. Bibigay nya sayo lahat. Di ka nya matitikis... Kaya ka nyang sabayan sa pagyoyosi, kaya nyang mag-astang lalaki para sayo, kaya ka nyang halikan sa harap ng maraming tao at marahil mas kaya nyang maging number 2 sa buhay mo. Mga bagay na hindi ko kayang ibigay.

Minahal din naman kita, alam mo ba yun? Kaya lang may mga kundisyon ka. Alam kong kakayanin ko ang mga kundisyon na yun... hindi ko nga lang masasabi kung hanggang kailan... Dahil sa simula pa lang mahirap na. Maliban sa pangalawa lang ako sa legal mong nobya, nandyan pa ang nakikita kong harapang pagpapansin ng mga babae sa paligid mo. At syempre sabi mo nga, lalake ka... mahirap tumanggi sa palay.

Kabadtrip ka talaga kahit kelan...
Kabadtrip ka dahil hanggang ngayon di kita matanggal sa facebook at ym friends ko. Nahihirapan man ako, gusto kong malaman ang nangyayari sayo.
Kabadtrip ka dahil pinayagan kong magaing tagahanga ako ng banda mo sa facebook.
Kabadtrip ka dahil pati ang site ng unang tayo mong negosyo, binibisita ko.
Kabadtrip ka dahil nung mapanood ko ang paghingi ng paumanhin ni Tigerwoods dahil sa pangangaliwa nya, naalala kita. Parang ikaw lang sya...
Kabadtrip ka dahil kahit wala na tayo, tanga pa rin ako dahil sayo.