Where's happiness?

Please forgive me for my grammar and my spelling. I did not have a formal study on the language that I will be using. My way of writing is based on my usual conversation and how I've seen my grandfather write letters and stories. For those who can understand this language, you don't have to feel sorry for me. This is just a confession of a drama queen.

Mapagal na cu. Bala cu ali cu magsawa caring pamangawan cu... Bala cu ali cu aranasang maging macanini calungcut. Macapagal pala ing manenaya caring bageng ali mu balu nung datang.

Macamurit ing mamasa. Macamurit ing magpanggap a agyu cu ing eganagana, magcunwari cung ali cu apectado istung ali mu apapansinan ing pamangawan cu. Ating oras a aiisip cu, macarine nala pala ding pemangawa cu. Minsan pa, maybug cung gumaga uling ali mu cu aintindyan, uling ala mu queca ing pamangawan cu.

Pero anggang macanta, tutuloy cu pa rin ing cabolangan cu. Anggang mapagal na cu, sasawa na cu, maririne na cu ampong mamumurit na cu, ali cu tutucnang. Ali cu pa naman ginaga dahil queca... pero ditac na mu, pipilitan cung ali.

Handa cung manenaya queca. Anggang malambat, alang casu canacu ita. Pero ini ing paquisabi cung mayap, nung ali mu cu agyung luguran, sabyanan mu cu. Ali mu sabyan canacu ing tabalu. Uling ing tabalu, dinan na cung maling pag-asa. Lalu mu cu mung pasaquitan.

Dear Self, how are you?

Dear Self,

How are you? It's been a long time since I bothered to ask.

I was remembering how you were like two years ago.

It's September of 2008 and you've started on your first job after college. Remember, how hard it was for you to give up the business that you and your friends put up? How it felt when you were unsure if you would still be friends after that business flapped. But then you managed to be together and you realized the difference between keeping someone's company and having a friend.

On these past two years, you had a lot of your firsts.

You had your first airplane ride.
It was your first time in Bora.
You had your first helmet diving experience.
You had your first mamam (drinking alcohol) after work.
It was your first time to give false reasons to your mom why you're not staying home.
It was your first time to sleep in the hotel because you went barhopping with your girls till dawn.
You had your first real date.
You had your first kiss in the elevator.
You had your first boyfriend (imagine how stupid you were?)
It was your first time to be the other girl.
You had your first breakup.
It was your first and last time to play games and cheat on men. You were afraid of karma.
You had your first laptop.
It was your first and last time not to pay the correct amount in the restaurant (remember when you broke a plate and how you hid it under the couch to make sure that you and your friends will not pay for it?)
It was your first time to distrust your father.
You had your first investigation on your father's fidelity followed by many more investigations.
It was your first time to raise your voice to your father.
You began accepting infidelity as part of human nature.
You started not believing in marriage after what you've seen amongst the people around you.
You learned that the person who loves less has more power in a relationship.
You realized that life is unfair.
You learned that men are a bunch of perve morons (with an exception to your brothers).
You've become a totally different person.

But then, today, you've again changed. You have a different set of ideals... You started to believe in love. But of course, you are more realistic now, aren't you? Best of all, you now know what you want. You're tired of quitting and thinking of what ifs.