Recently, I no longer had the urge to write about random shallow things about romance. Perhaps the feelings that I have towards someone (if there is any) is not that intense to encourage me to sing happy songs, smile all day and give cheesy meanings to any statement or quotes that I read, hear or remembers.
To that guy who said that I am still a kid, I feel sorry that I did not get to write the mix of emotions that I have towards him. A lot of things are running in my mind over that 2 months. Yet, due to my uncertainty and my fears of falling for the wrong person, the wrong time and wrong reasons, my fingers were held tight from writing a blog.
Right now, all I can do is to reminisce how stupid I was. The logger-headed me got mesmerized by a guy opposite of my dreams. Haha! and the irony of it, that guy has been in my dreams for a number of nights. He is always the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last one to cross my mind before I close my eyes at night. He is the dude I long to talk to over the phone and receive text messages from. His coffee invitation makes me jump to excitement that I later ended to always initiate the meet up.
Mind you, I've already dreamed of him as my husband despite all our opposites... the age gap, and body built difference. Yet, I feel so comfortable being with him. All the shallow talks, foolish jokes and witty comments have compensated everything.
He also don't know how hard I tried not to let anybody know how I feel. I am not sure whether he has mentioned those dates that we had to anybody. But as for me, I was controlling myself so much from saying anything because I was afraid that I was just overanalyzing the things that he does and says.
By the way, I have another confession to make, I was rereading his old skype messages to me. I got to backread until November 2010. And it made me wonder, has he felt anything for me during that time? Haha! And one more thing, I also hate Facebook because it started saving chat conversations just recently. I can no longer read backread those Landi much chats with him. If these chat messages were still there, I've probably read them a hundred times.
Oh well, all I am just trying to say is that I fell in love with him. But now, I am not sure if I've already fallen out of love. Is it that fast or is it just his absence that makes me think that the feeling is gone?
