Why are we still friends?

by 98 Degrees

This is the soundtrack of my week:

We do almost everything that lovers do
And that's why it's hard just to be friends with you
And everytime your heart is broken by the fool
I want you to know that it hurts me too
It's hard to wipe your tears away
Knowing you should be with me,

Tell me why, why are we still friends?
When everything says we should be more than what we are
And tell me why
Everytime I find someone that I like
We always end up being just friends

I would hate for you to find somebody new
Who you really love
Cause it could mean losing you
But am I a fool boy not to say
If I'm always scared I'll lose you anyway
Somehow someway I've got to choose
Got to choose no matter if it's win or lose

I don't want to be like your sister
I don't want to be your best friend
I only want to be your lover
When will this end?
If I told you that I want to be in your life?
If you could be the woman in mine

Dating and Finding the One

I met with my Wise Up girls again yesterday. We talked about my unsuccessful date, the funny and awkward things that happened to me that Friday. We laughed at the different scenes of my first blind date. And they all came to a conclusion that going on a date with someone you haven't met before is not a good idea after all.

Being the youngest and most idealistic, I was forcing my friend who is 20 months older than me to start dating. But she refused and said, "Forcing yourself to fall in love just because you think it’s your turn is not a good idea." According to her, she is not yet ready to enter a relationship.

I told her that though people have different level of mental and emotional maturity in entering a real and serious relationship, we have to consider the biological maturity of our body. We cannot deny that women's body has an expiration date which is earlier than men's. As I grew older and watch how relationships around me begin and end, I realized the importance of intimacy and physical attraction in falling in love. The older you get, the less time you have to find your soulmate and the less likely that you'll attract him/her. *at least for a woman

She thinks that her prince charming will knock at her door and confess his love for her.She believes in destiny and so do I.

But what if waiting for prince charming takes forever? What if he comes by the time that you're already on you're forties and is no longer at the socially accepted marrying age.

There's nothing wrong with dating and having new friends. As I quote Wikihow, " The more people you meet, the more likely you are to meet your soulmate, so try and talk to as many people as possible. You never know if the next person you talk to could be your soulmate."

Goodbye 2010!

When I'm at home, sick and alone... I can't help it but think of the things that I've done in 2010. The year when my heart has almost evolved on you alone.

Was it my fault? Do I have a lot of shortcomings? Am I insensitive? If I worked harder and made you feel more special, would it turn out differently?

I am hoping that you are completely happy now. I have not hope for anything but your happiness.

I am trying not to think about you. That's for my own good for I am just getting hurt everyday. If I can't totally erase it, I hope I get numb. Don't worry it's not your fault... Stupid me for crying over something that has never been mine.

By the way, I am currently listening to "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy.

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

2011 Moving On

The last few days of 2010 has been devastating for me.

A lot of realizations, a number of unwanted events and face offs. I was hurt, I cried and made quick decisions in life.

Now in 2011, I am looking forward for a better year. I am 22, still single but I am wiser.

For all the singles out there, I am wishing you a happy 2011!!!

My last love letter for IH

Why did you say those words? Those could have mean a lot if I heard them from you seven years ago. Isn't it funny? You're saying those words when those sweet things don't mean anything to me.

I heard that you're already a dad. If I may quote you, "IH, the proud dad".

I can imagine how pretty your daughter could be. She must have gotten your eyes. Those dark eyes which have always captured my attention. I hope she got that smooth brown skin of yours. Perhaps she also smiles the way you do.

I wanna see her... I always visit your profile just to check if you have uploaded her pictures.

I hope you'll learn to love the mother of your baby. I have nothing against the mom, but at this early stage, I feel sorry for her. I don't quite understand why you don't speak about her. How come you don't even have a picture of her... and how come you are saying those words to me when you know that someone is longing and waiting for you.

You know that I have loved you... you were my first love. But I am not sure if you have also felt the same way.

Don't think that the reason why I don't wanna meet you is because I am still the fifteen year old me. I have grown up... I have changed. I don't wanna see you yet... Not now. I know that you are currently at your weakest point, you might say words that you will later regret.

I love you... It is true that first love never dies. But it can change from a romantic love to a brotherly love.

Fidelity....

FIDELITY by Regina Spektor

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart

And suppose I never met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose we never ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
Break my fall

All my friends say that of course its gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better
Better better better

I never love nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting by heart truly
I got lost
In the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind
All this music
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart

I hear in my mind all of these voices
I hear in my mind all of these words
I hear in my mind all of this music

Breaks my
Heart
Breaks my heart

Why can't gravity make you fall for me?

I envy those people who blog about happy thoughts. I hope I can be like them too.

Why is it easier for me to talk about the negative feelings I have? Law of attraction!!! Please help me... Happy thoughts! Happy thoughts!